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Power Rankings · 2025

Power rankings

Two editions, labeled so nobody confuses math with the commissioner's vendetta.

Week 14: Glory Pitts Hangs 95.05 on a Corpse, Finishes 7-7, and the Commissioner Has Questions

Week 14. Regular season closed, doors locked, nobody gets to take it back. Glory Pitts dropped a 95.05-point beating on Secretary of War that goes in the top-10 all-time margin book, SweatMeat Spence hung the week-high 169.39, and Secretary of War found the floor at 72.74 and laid down on it. There is no previous commissioner edition in the archive, so this is the baseline: the commissioner's opinion, not the spreadsheet's, and the spreadsheet can file a complaint.

Commissioner edition · published Monday Sep 14, 12:46 p.m. ET · full filthy editorial, tied to that week's verified results.

  1. 1Tiddy Boy LaCroix Logan Gamer— 10-4, top of the table, 162.95 in the finale. Logan52726 spent the last week of the regular season curb-stomping TMac and Me by 60.41 and called it a tune-up. The stat nerds have him 2nd. The commissioner has eyes.
  2. 2SweatMeat Spence Ian Spencer— 169.39. Week high. Three straight wins to close at 9-5 with 1939.7 points for. jispence3 is peaking at exactly the right time, which is the most annoying thing a person can do.
  3. 3Team Billy Pierce Freeman— 9-5, three straight, and a 117.21 that beat Mayfield by 32.26 without breaking a sweat. pierce12lax is winning ugly and cashing checks. The stat edition dropped him 2 spots for it. I don't dock a man for a W.
  4. 4Glory Pitts Conner Mitchell— 2037.41 points for, most in the league, 145.53 a game, and a 7-7 record. ConMitch12 hung 167.79 on Secretary of War, won by 95.05, and still owns the same record as a guy who bought the Ferrari and drives it into the same tree every other Sunday. Stat edition has him 1st. Records are sacred. Fourth.
  5. 5Good Jeantys Andrew Sharpe— 8-6 and a 150.18 stomp of Achane by 36.52. AndrewSharpe66 also tied the all-time series with Little1bluedevil41 at 10-10, which is the kind of thing you bring up at a wedding.
  6. 6Matthew's Monstrous Team Matthew Muralles— 8-6 and dropped the finale 100.37 to 121.96 against a 6-8 team. ESPNFAN6459435555 went from two straight wins to a wet napkin. 1749.56 for, 1750.23 against. That's a coin flip with a login.
  7. 7So Youre Saying Theres Achane Bryan Provenzano— Three straight losses to close. 113.66 against a 150.18. Little1bluedevil41 is 8-6 and limping like a man who peaked at the buffet. The stat edition dropped him 2. I'm doing the same.
  8. 8Sharpe is #1 David Bruce— Two straight wins, 121.96 in the finale, 6-8. Dbrucesu has given up 1899.79 points this year and still found a way to beat an 8-6 team. The stat edition bumped him 3 spots. Sure. Fine. Take it.
  9. 9Mayfield of 💦 Dreams Jose Velez Capin— 84.95. At home. In the finale. josedvelez214 lost by 32.26 to a team that scored 117.21 and did not need to try. 6-8 with 1663.57 for. The field of dreams is a parking lot.
  10. 10TMac and Me Will Mason— 102.54 got mounted by 162.95. Lost by 60.41. kenshinm4 is 5-9 with 1928.04 points against, which is a number that means everyone you play has a career day. The archive already has this franchise filed at the bottom of the season.
  11. 11Secretary of War Josh Stubblefield— 72.74. Week low. Lost by 95.05. Three straight L's, 5-9, and the stat edition already has Jstubble1211 dead last with a 0.04 score. I'm keeping him 11th out of respect for the 8-5 all-time edge on ConMitch12, which is the only thing in this file that isn't on fire.
  12. 12Diggs Chase Chubb Jason Moyer— 3-11. Scored 133.11 and lost by 36.28 anyway because jasonrmoyer92 ran into 169.39. Three straight losses, 0-3 all-time against jispence3. Records are sacred. This one's a crime scene.