Week 6 Power Rankings + Waiver Wire

Logan Gamer: ALLL RIGHT! Welcome to the Weekly Matchup and Power Rankings Report for the League of Sharpe Gets Last, I'm your god, your king, your commissioner, Logan Gamer, it is Wednesday, October 14th, week 6. One miracle, one massacre, one crime scene. Mason came back from 12.86 down for the week high, 208.9, and Ian won by 104.92 with Mike Evans' 28.8 on the bench like a goddamn show-off. Logan Gamer: The crime scene is a week low of 81.55, which I'm not naming, plus my own game, because I'm a fucking suspect. I'm joined by my co-host, Andrew Sharpe. Say hi, Sharpie. Andrew Sharpe: Gamer, hi. You are the greatest commissioner in league history, and I want to thank you for this platform. I have a feeling the board finally makes sense this week, so please remember who was nice to you before it comes out. Logan Gamer: That's the nicest shit you've ever said to me, and it scares the fuck out of me. [THE MATCHUPS] Logan Gamer: Tu Puka Madre beat Club Shambles by 117.91. That's me. I'm reading my own beating like a police report, because I'm the fucking victim. Jose's lineup was perfect, 204.32, from a man whose phone has an antenna. And 70.97 of it came in the Sunday early window, before the nap. Early bird special, you old shit. Logan Gamer: I started Jordan Addison at receiver and got a goose egg, with Dontayvion Wicks on my bench. Dumbest lineup call in the league, and I run the league. Andrew Sharpe: I'd like that replayed slowly. This is karma, Gamer. The corrupt commissioner takes a beating on his own show, and I've waited all week for it. Would you like a moment? Logan Gamer: Fuck off, Sharpe. No moments. Logan Gamer: Clankers With a Hard R trailed Sharpe is #1 by 12.86 entering the Sunday early games, and then it got fucking ugly. Mason won by 84.14. Mason put up 118.76 in that window alone, and his lineup was nearly flawless. I looked for something to roast and found shit, which pisses me off. Logan Gamer: David gets an award, the shortest lease on a name in league history. Sharpe is #1 was true exactly as long as the lead lasted, you dumb fuck. Andrew Sharpe: God damn it, David! That is my name on that jersey! You took it, you wore it, and you ruined it! You absolute clown! Logan Gamer: And Mason, nice fucking job. I'm not saying it twice. Logan Gamer: ESPN had Bryan winning, and instead NFCDEEZNUTZZ won by 104.92. Bryan got deez-nuts'd by a team named for it, and you can't write that shit. Ian even benched Mike Evans, who put up 28.8. That's a man so far ahead he leaves a starter on the couch for fun, the cocky bastard. Bryan's only life was 35.07 on Monday night. That's the fire truck showing up after the house is a fucking parking lot. Andrew Sharpe: ESPN projects somebody else the win and I take it personally. Logan Gamer: Nobody asked, Sharpe. Andrew Sharpe: Why does a blowout get a segment and mine gets a footnote? Logan Gamer: K-9 UNIT beat Diggs Spears Bass by 6.91, and Moyer lost it on his own bench. He left 21.65 there, and the optimal lineup was sitting right there with the lights on. He also started Roman Wilson, who was already ruled out, and got exactly what a ghost scores. Billy put up 78.87 in the Sunday early window. Dart Vader used the force, and Moyer got choked, you dumb fuck. Andrew Sharpe: I'm happy for Billy. I've recently done business with Billy, and I'm very happy for him. A great man. Nothing he ever did to me matters, and nothing I did to him ever happened. Logan Gamer: Secretary of War beat Too Great A Burden To Bear by 19.06, and ESPN had Sharpe winning. Two things you can't trust in this league, ESPN and Sharpe's bench. Sharpe left 24.7 on the pine. MarShawn Lloyd sat while Colston Loveland started at flex, and that swap is legal because it's the same fucking slot. It's the bench malpractice trial of the century. Andrew Sharpe: God damn it, Gamer! ESPN promised me the win! Stubbs started in a hole and climbed out! Rigged! The schedule, the projection and the commissioner are all in on it! Loveland was the right call! Logan Gamer: Loveland scored 4.15, Sharpe. I'll just let that sit there, you dumb shit. Logan Gamer: Karen Williams beat Skeeze Machines by 36.42. Cory, welcome to the week-low ceremony. Here's your trophy, it's a cup I found in my fucking car. Your only life was 35.0 on Monday night, a bucket of water on a building that's already ash. And T.J. Hockenson at tight end for 1.95 while Kyle Pitts Sr. sat, that's the crime. Andrew Sharpe: Cory, buddy, rookie. I'd love to mentor you. I have a friendly little package I'd be happy to discuss off air, just us. Logan Gamer: No. Fuck off, Sharpe, we don't do trade rapes on the podcast. Andrew Sharpe: Mentorship is a gift. Nobody ever lets me help. [POWER RANKINGS] Logan Gamer: Number one, Karen Williams, Condor. You're 5-0 on a five-game streak and you still left 37.72 on the bench. That's not a bench, that's a second fucking team. Pat Freiermuth sat while Harold Fannin Jr. played tight end for 1.4. The overstuffed closet award goes to Hugh G Rexxion, and Tyreek Hill is still unsigned while his agent shops him around the league, shit. Andrew Sharpe: How is that bench undefeated? Benches are supposed to hurt. The schedule is on Condor's side. Logan Gamer: Number two, Clankers With a Hard R, Mason. 3-2 on a one-game streak. Remember 'lol no chance I'm 9'? No chance, bud. You're second. DJ Moore is questionable with a shoulder and Stribling and Tyson are on injured reserve, and none of them touched the card. As a fellow clanker, I tip my fucking hat, once, with swagger. Andrew Sharpe: Mason played well. Now let me calmly list everything I would have done to that lineup, in order. Slowly. Logan Gamer: Number three, K-9 UNIT, Billy. Up two spots at 3-2, because you beat Moyer head to head, not because of anything new. You benched Jordan Love's 30.03 for Jacoby Brissett, then cut Brissett loose and claimed the 49ers defense, you fucking maniac. Dart Vader, the dark side of the waiver wire. Andrew Sharpe: Billy knows what he did with Kaleb Johnson! I won't say what! The Great Deceiver does not forget! Logan Gamer: Fuck off, Sharpe. No trades on the podcast. Logan Gamer: Number four, Diggs Spears Bass, Hans. You're 4-1 and you fell two spots, you dumb bastard. Stefon Diggs has a hamstring and Spears is on the pine putting up 10.3. Two-thirds of your team name is in the trainer's room or on the bench, Hans. Jalen McMillan is on injured reserve too. Andrew Sharpe: Jason, as a professional, let me explain bench management. Discipline, my friend. Study it. Take notes. Logan Gamer: You left 24.7 on yours, you hypocritical cocksucker. Logan Gamer: Number five, NFCDEEZNUTZZ, Ian. Up four spots, and credit where it's due, once: you found the sleeper of the year in round 12. Isaiah Likely is 36.2 over replacement. Sweatmeatspence, you found that motherfucker in the back of the draft like a lost glove. Saquon Barkley is questionable with a hamstring, and the team is hopeful for Sunday against the Panthers. Andrew Sharpe: Ian, congratulations. I mentored that pick, you know. I once found a sleeper too. Just ask around. Logan Gamer: You didn't, Sharpe. Sit the fuck down. Logan Gamer: Number six, Sharpe is #1, David. Number one in the title and sixth on the board, the most dishonest fucking name in the league. Vacation Dave blew a lead and went right back to vacation mode. You started David Montgomery at running back for 1.1 with Jacory Croskey-Merritt on the bench. Montgomery is doubtful with a groin, Deebo Samuel is out a couple of weeks, and Lamar Jackson is still on injured reserve, shit. Andrew Sharpe: That name is mine. That is trademark theft, Gamer. Logan Gamer: It's his team, you idiot. Andrew Sharpe: He's only sixth because he stole it. Logan Gamer: Number seven, Tu Puka Madre, Jose. Up four spots at 2-3 on a two-game streak, off a perfect lineup with nothing on the bench. All of it early, while you were awake, you old fuck. The jitterbug phone survived the whole Sunday. Breece Hall is out with a quad, and Adonai Mitchell is out a third straight game with a finger nobody will explain. Andrew Sharpe: Someone should check whether Jose has a pulse. This lineup is too good for a man nobody has seen. I'm only asking. Hopefully. Logan Gamer: Number eight, Skeeze Machines, Cory. Down four spots at 2-3 after the week low. Hazing is on, rookie. Rico Dowdle has missed three straight games with a toe and you started him for a zero. T.J. Hockenson got a concussion check, and CeeDee Lamb is questionable with a quad bruise. All three on the injury report and you trusted all three, the questionable machines. Andrew Sharpe: Cory, a rookie always overreaches. Experience is what matters. Come sit on my knee and learn something. Logan Gamer: You're 1-4, Sharpe. Your experience is a hostage video. Logan Gamer: Number nine, Secretary of War, Stubbs. Up three spots to 2-3 off beating Sharpe as a projected underdog. Ayatollah Stubblefield declared war on a bench and won. Quinshon Judkins is questionable with an ankle tweak, and Kyle Monangai is out in a walking boot. The only thing you've dodged cleaner than Sharpe's offense is your Sacko punishments, you coward. Andrew Sharpe: Stubbs got lucky! He started in a hole and still got lucky! He'll pay, I'm telling you! Logan Gamer: Number ten, Club Shambles, Logan Gamer. I ranked myself tenth and I'm calling that generous. I run the board and I still can't make the Addison call, Tiddy Boy LaCroix, two spots from where I thrive. TreVeyon Henderson is doubtful with an ankle, Jaxon Smith-Njigba is questionable but expected to play, and Pittman and Dell are down too. It's a fucking infirmary. Andrew Sharpe: Gamer, I'm so sorry about your receivers. I'm here if you need a shoulder. Pittman's replacement would look great on my roster. Hee hee hee. Oh, I'm sorry. That's terrible. Really terrible. Logan Gamer: You're a piece of shit, Sharpe. Logan Gamer: Number twelve, ThatH0nkyTonk McConkeyD0nk, Bryan. 1-4 on a two-game losing streak, sitting in my seat, bud. Twelfth is where I thrive, and you're wearing my old jersey. You left 17.05 on the bench, Courtland Sutton and Dallas Goedert sat while Romeo Doubs and RJ Harvey played. Ladd McConkey didn't take a snap, and with Jonathon Brooks and Jadarian Price on injured reserve your backfield is a club with no membership. Andrew Sharpe: Bryan, I can offer you a free roster audit. It would be a shame if the computer never mentioned your depth. Think about it. Logan Gamer: Fuck off, Sharpe. Logan Gamer: The board says Too Great A Burden To Bear is eleventh, down five spots, 1-4. But by the league's own bylaws that slot is last. I didn't write the bylaws, buddy, it's in the title of the show. ESPN had you favored, and you benched the winner, you magnificent bastard. DeVonta Smith is out with a hamstring, and Caleb Williams has a bad strain with no return date. And last, like always, Andrew Sharpe. Andrew Sharpe: Gamer. Commissioner. My friend. Would you consider re-seeding the board, just this once? I'd remember this. I'd remember it forever. The computer is wrong. Read the screen again, Gamer. God damn it! The schedule, ESPN, the bench, Stubbs, all of you rigged this! This is a fucking conspiracy! And I'll say this. I got my receipt for Bernard, and I'm the only one in this league with a plan. You'll see. You'll all see. Andrew Sharpe: Laugh it up. I'm writing everything down. I'll remember every one of you, and I'll be ready. [THE WIRE] Logan Gamer: The wire. Sharpe paid $24 for Germie Bernard, the week's top bid, to step into Michael Pittman Jr.'s spot. That's my guy he's replacing, you vulture. Read the table. The only other bids on Bernard were $16 from Billy and $16 from Bryan, and both failed. Sharpe beat two dead claims, so that's an overpay, and it took his FAAB to $0, the least in the league. Andrew Sharpe: Zero dollars left is a plan. It's called discipline. Nobody will see me coming. Logan Gamer: Billy's a one-man flea market. Brenton Strange for $12, the Jets defense for $11, the 49ers defense for $11. The force failed him on Bernard, though. Jose bid $4 on Strange and $3 on the 49ers defense, and the system couldn't find either one. File the missing persons report. Ian bid $0 on Dominic Zvada and failed too. Logan Gamer: Mason paid $10 for C.J. Stroud and dropped Justin Herbert, one quarterback for another. And Kaleb Johnson went from Billy's roster to Sharpe's, and he's the name Sharpe cut to pay for Bernard. Billy gets the last pinch. Andrew Sharpe: I bought the winning ticket, and I enjoyed every reason those other claims failed. Failure builds character, Gamer. Logan Gamer: Free agents. Condor took Kirk Cousins, Ian took Trey Smack, and Sharpe took Dameon Pierce, insurance for David's Montgomery, you creep. [NEXT WEEK] Logan Gamer: This week. ThatH0nkyTonk McConkeyD0nk against K-9 UNIT, and I'm taking the dog. Tu Puka Madre against NFCDEEZNUTZZ, Barkley hopeful, so Jose better stay awake. The game of the week is Karen Williams against Diggs Spears Bass, Condor undefeated against Moyer's bench problem, with Stefon Diggs questionable. Logan Gamer: Mason against Stubbs, who just beat a bench like Sharpe's. David against Cory, and nobody gives a shit. And the personal one, Too Great A Burden To Bear against Club Shambles. Sharpe against me. I'm taking his lunch money. Andrew Sharpe: I beat Gamer by a lot, I regain my respect, and everyone forgets the previous weeks. You'll all be apologizing by Monday. Logan Gamer: You have no FAAB and no lineup sense, Sharpe. Good luck, you clown. Logan Gamer: All right, that's the show. Thanks for listening, I appreciate you giving a shit about a fantasy league. Andrew Sharpe: Whatever, I do what I want. Logan Gamer: Set your lineups, check the injury report, and go fuck yourselves.